They say it’s lonely at the top.
I refuse to believe that.
This saying aims to communicate that when one is in the pursuit of success, and getting there, people tend to fade away. It means that few actually get to the ‘’top’’ and that when you get there, you won’t have a lot in common with people from previous times, or they’ll hate you for getting there, therefore leaving you feeling lonely.
I used to get fired up by this idea, whenever a friendship faded or I started getting weird vibes, I was quick to move on to new friends. My ego said it was part of the process and it meant I was progressing. But deep down, I was in fact hurt, I resented not having my wins celebrated by people I celebrated theirs with. Let alone the draining hangover from having shared so much of me in what no longer seemed like a safe or available space.
I stopped trying to figure it out and I embraced the fact that if I wanted to live my best life, I’d had to do it alone. And I was devoted to living my best life.
I’m glad that’s no longer the story in my head.
First of all, my idea of success includes spiritual fulfillment and I believe that when you’re connected and trusting, you rarely feel lonely. You are aware that you’re one with everything that surrounds you and even being in nature makes you feel in great company.
Second, I’ve had the luck to come across and keep in my life 5 big hearted women who are living a journey themselves. After meeting the first, my trust in life got stronger. It served as evidence that there was more of this. Our friendship was a place of full acceptance, support and free of judgements. We both had different life plans and paths and we respected that. Being a very independent person who dislikes feeling suffocated or controlled, this was an amazing place for me to grow. After every conversation I felt either really peaceful or re energized. Which is what I find to be the optimal recipe for and outcome of a good friendship.
I currently have about 5 women in my life who I feel are growing closely alongside me. We all live in different places and have our own lives but we are in constant contact supporting each other and sharing our latest troubles, wins, and resources. I plan to keep expanding the circle by befriending, collaborating or supporting women who are living from their heart, getting out of their comfort zones and creating something they really believe in.
Third, maybe the top is an illusion of choice.
What if we choose to see it as a horizontal platform rather than a uphill ladder?
I don’t believe having a business, being a published author or being publicly recognized makes you superior to anyone else who’s in your life doing something else. It must be really hard to enjoy the company if you’re thinking they’re all somehow below you. Everyone’s fulfillment looks different and we can learn something from literally anyone. Even if sometimes what we may learn is what we don’t want for ourselves. But we do not have to implement our visions of life to judge where everyone else is at. If we place ourselves in a horizontal common ground and we’re open minded about this, we can learn to support and accept our people as they are.
So I guess this is my tangible plan for us to keep working our way to the ‘’top’’ without being weighed down by the fear of it being lonely. If we find and bring our people alongside, we might get there with them. We all know sometimes it’s the good company what makes a place so great to be in. And reminiscing with them about how you got there. So when you find good hearted people who you genuinely click with, support them. Show them your appreciation, listen to them, create a safe space, share the resources or things you’re benefiting from and let them know when you find something they could use. Be one to attract one. And let’s all get there.
-María Andrea G